Platypus

Imagine a bathroom, like a hallway bathroom, that you’ve used enough to get a deep sense of- that is, you are intimately familiar with every urinal and bowl, every sink, as well as the spacial relationships they all form. After a while, the process of using this bathroom to take a piss is extremely automatic. You walk in, and when you’re halfway to the urinal, you’re ready to unzip your fly- a foot away, and you’re pretty much clear, and you’re ready to get going by the time you come to a halt. You feel you have an understanding with this bathroom, and that on some level this sentiment is mutual.

Turning the corner to see another man using the urinal is extremely jarring, and to a certain extent even disheartening. Your routine with the urinal is completely shattered by the invasion of another suitor, who out of politeness you must allow to finish. But by then, it is too late- your rhythm is broken, and you feel betrayed.

Done in Corel Painter XI with Digital Watercolor for class.

Tom Brady wakes up and stares at the ceiling.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady.

Brady goes to the mirror, rubs his chin.

Brady: Yep… yep. Still Tom Brady. I’m awesome.

Brady flexes a little and winks at his reflection.

Brady: Wow. I’m Tom Brady,

Tom Brady sits at the kitchen table, eating his eggs.

Brady: These eggs are great. Awesome. I’m Tom Brady, and I’m awesome, and so are these eggs.

Tom Brady’s Wife: Would you like more eggs?

Brady: You’re Tom Brady’s Wife.

Tom Brady sits with his son on his knee.

Brady: Son, you are the son of Tom Brady. Tom Brady’s Son #1. I am Tom Brady.

Tom Brady’s car pulls up to the curb of his son’s school, and Tom Brady’s Son #1 gets out of the car. Brady steps out of the car, walks up to a random child, and punches him in the face.

Brady: You go to school with Tom Brady’s Son. I’m Tom Brady.

Brady walks back into his car and gets in. Before he shuts the door, however, a policeman approaches.

Policeman: Sir…

Brady: No… no, its all right. You see, I’m Tom Brady.

Policeman: Oh, you’re right. You’re Tom Brady. Shit. You have a nice day now.

Brady gives the thumbs up.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady.

Several highschoolers are practicing in the field while their coach looks on. Suddenly, a car pulls up and Tom Brady steps out with half a bottle of Vodka. Taking a swig, he throws the rest into the sidewalk, shattering it. He walks up to the coach and takes the ball.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady.

Coach: Ah… ah, you’re right. You are Tom Brady.

Tom Brady waves for the players to get into formation. He looks at the wide receiver.

Brady: Okay, go long. Go long.

Brady turns around and pegs the running back in the face, sending him sprawling.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady.

Brady continues to peg random kids with the ball until he stops and goes back to his car.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady.

The coach turns to regard his players as Brady pulls away.

Coach: That was Tom Brady.

Tom Brady’s car again pulls up the curb of his son’s school. He gets out and punches a boy in the face again.

Brady: I’m Tom Brady. You have just been punched by Tom Brady. Wow.

Adam Vinatieri steps out of the passenger side of the car and walks over. He kicks the boy in the crotch.

Brady: This is the teammate of Tom Brady. You have been kicked by Tom Brady’s teammate. I’m Tom Brady.

Vinatieri: He’s Tom Brady.

Brady and Vinatieri get back into the car and drive away.

Tom Brady lies down in bed and stares at his ceiling.

Brady: My god, I’m still Tom Brady.